"Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."- Henry David Thoreau
I really had no idea how difficult this decision would be, let alone how much it would disappoint so many of those around me. My family has ALWAYS supported me in everything that I do- not just because they love me, but probably because I've never really strayed too far from the beaten path. But now that I've started my journey down a totally different road than they had planned, I feel more confused than I've ever felt in my entire life.
I never knew how lucky I was to always have my family rooting me on, but now that so many of them disagree with what I'm doing, I am missing that support more than anything. I feel very alone, angry, confused, frustrated, frightened---you name it, I've probably felt it at one point during the last few months.
I know that in the scheme of things, I am blowing this decision WAY out of proportion, but at this moment in my life it seems like a really big deal. I guess I just really wanted to get this all off my chest, and I felt as though the best way to vent was to get it all down in writing.
I think the worst part of all is that I'm starting to second guess myself. I'm getting scared; I'm scared that they might be right---maybe I am making a mistake---but what I'm really the most afraid of is deciding not to go through with this just because of what THEY think. It's one thing to give up if I no longer want to do this, but it's another to give up just because I'm tired of disappointing my family.
All my life I've strived to please EVERYONE around me. When you come from a divorced family you find yourself trying so hard not to leave someone out, or make them feel neglected- but you know what,you just can't do it. It's inevitable; someone is going to get hurt and be upset. I guess I just need to realize that this is part of life. PEOPLE AREN'T ALWAYS GOING TO AGREE WITH ME AND THAT'S OKAY---when it comes to my family, they may not agree with me, they may be really angry and think that I'm making the biggest mistake of my life---but they will never stop loving me. I just need to keep that in mind.
So to take a cue from Thoreau, I guess I am hearing a different drummer than everyone else in my family, but who knows, perhaps my beat will transform itself into a beautiful melody- distinct and unique from everyone else...
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7 comments:
I drop a line because I am so happy to see someone quoting HD Thoreau.... I just found out this blog after I read a comment of yours on Gil Young's blog. I think Thoreau says many good things like we should be happy with what we have and not always try to get something more. Thoreau is pretty much againts agitation and I think agitation is what defines our world. Anyway, good luck with your life.
Another good Blog!!! You have got to stop worrying about family members opinions- Thats exactly what they are- Just Opinions!! Who is to say that their opinion is RIGHT?? Have you ever thought that your opinion is the RIGHT one???? Its good to vent, just don't let it stop you from living your life to the fullest and best you can. Besides if it helps any, I know Aunt Cindy is on your side. she is watching out for us!!!! AND as you know I ALWAYS LOVE YOU!!! Go ahead and open all the possible doors you can and you will find the ones that will have a way of staying open. The ones that close - you get to turn around and open another and another until one with Danielle's name on it says to stay open!! "Go Get Em Sweets!!"
Your writing emulates so much of what I was and still am feeling. I identify with what you are going though, although my situation is a bit different. At this stage of your life for practically the first time, you are in complete control of your decisions. That is a scary thought. Building our life take hard work, and sometimes making choices that others are against. I know life feels like an uphill battle, and you seem to spend your time jumping though hoops. I have done the college experience, the living overseas, worked in a job I despise, and now am considering going back to school, and university: All in aim of having a better fulfilling life. So even though I don’t know exactly what your problems are, I think they are natural and all normal in the scheme of things of becoming a grown up and valid member of society. Good Luck, and always be happy you are surrounded by people that love you enough to disagree with your opinions.
Danielle, don't worry! Even if you HATE Paris (unlikely) and come back after a month - who cares? It will be a story to tell to your grandkids!
It is very difficult to ever know in life if a decision is going to be for the best. I think from reading what you've written so far, that you will have more regrets if you don't do it, than if you do!
Remember, your college education is not going to be devalued just because you go and live abroad for a year! Any potential employer is going to appreciate a candidate who has the tenacity to take herself to another country and learn a new language.
With respect to your family - your Mum seems on you side! Plus you must remember, this decision is about you - not them. They are always going to love you. Don't even get drawn in to too much debate about it. Just let them know that whilst you appreciate their opinions, and love them enormously, that you're an adult and will make your own mind up!
Hey there, just stopped by after reading a comment of yours (from a while back actually...) on my blog. Thanks for visiting, by the way!
I have to say that I can relate to your feelings, but you have to be true to yourself. Of course, we change a lot and evolve as time goes by -- and trust me, it goes by REALLY fast -- but we have to believe that our hearts will take us where we belong. I guess I have always followed my heart, so I'm a firm believer in that -- even if it hasn't always taken me to the "right" places or especially to those places where others would have told me to go or would have thought were the right ones.
In any case, stick to what you believe in... And make the decision YOU feel good about. Your family will come around eventually! When I chose to live in France, my family had a really tough time with it, but they've come to realize that it is a part of WHO I am -- even if it doesn't always make sense! It's just ME. They constantly ask what it is about France and the French that fascinates me, and I have a hard time putting it into words. All I know is that I feel more "myself" here.
So be strong and continue to be yourself! All the best to you...
Dani,
Even though I might not know everything you are going through, you should know that I am always supporting you. I bet you'll do great in France. You have always been the optimist and need to stop worrying about what everyone thinks. Whatever decision you make your family will support, even if they don't agree with it. Adventuring out of the ordinary, into a new country, takes a lot of courage and I know you have that courage inside you. Just remember your family here and how we support you.
The Little Blonde Kid
hey girl...just so you know, i've been thru the exact same thing. you can imagine how my family reacted to me coming to Colombia! You're right, you can't give up your dream or hold yourself back for someone else. It's been hard without my family's support, but in the long run they understand and as long as you're happy then hopefully that's enough!
besitos!
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