Jinxed!

You'd think that by now I would know that I have a tendency to jinx myself whenever I get too excited about something so I would learn to just shut my mouth until everything is finalized---but noooooooo, I get too wrapped up in the moment and blab to EVERYONE only to have to turn around and say "Just kidding!!!"

So just to fill you in, I thought I found the "perfect" family to work for in Paris---single mom, two boys, family oriented, very friendly, studio apartment, leave in July, go on holiday with them to some island, receive extra money, work 4 days a week---blah, blah, blah. I spoke to the mom on the phone last Thursday morning and she was very friendly. We spoke in English most of the time but then she wanted me to speak in French and I SUCKED!!! It was so bad! I know I am much better than how I was over the phone, but it was just so difficult. I tried explaining to her that I can in fact speak French and I know that I will improve dramatically as soon as I become surrounded by it....but I guess that wasn't enough because I got a call from the agency this morning saying that the family had another applicant who's french was a little better so they decided to go along with her.

So needless to say, I'm feeling a little upset---I mean seriously, who gets rejected for a babysitting job?!?!?!? (look, I know it's more than just a normal babysitting job, but still, I'm pissed!)

Well, according to the agency, they have another family in mind- 3 kids, 10, 7 and 5 and should be getting me their information fairly soon SO LONG AS THEY WANT ME! But we'll see...gosh I only hope the saying "Third times a charm" proves to be right!!!!

I don't think I can handle any more of this rejection crap...

M.I.A.

I'm here. I'm here. I promise! Sorry I've been a little M.I.A. lately, but it's been a crazy couple of weeks. From California to Washington DC, this girl has been busy!

Anyway, I'm getting ready to head out again, but I just wanted you to know that I'm holding my breath, because if all goes well, I should be finding something out REALLY soon!

Check in sometime next week, because I think I'm going to have some BIG news!!!!

Wishing you all a wonderful and safe weekend!

Following a different drummer

"Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."- Henry David Thoreau


I really had no idea how difficult this decision would be, let alone how much it would disappoint so many of those around me. My family has ALWAYS supported me in everything that I do- not just because they love me, but probably because I've never really strayed too far from the beaten path. But now that I've started my journey down a totally different road than they had planned, I feel more confused than I've ever felt in my entire life.

I never knew how lucky I was to always have my family rooting me on, but now that so many of them disagree with what I'm doing, I am missing that support more than anything. I feel very alone, angry, confused, frustrated, frightened---you name it, I've probably felt it at one point during the last few months.

I know that in the scheme of things, I am blowing this decision WAY out of proportion, but at this moment in my life it seems like a really big deal. I guess I just really wanted to get this all off my chest, and I felt as though the best way to vent was to get it all down in writing.

I think the worst part of all is that I'm starting to second guess myself. I'm getting scared; I'm scared that they might be right---maybe I am making a mistake---but what I'm really the most afraid of is deciding not to go through with this just because of what THEY think. It's one thing to give up if I no longer want to do this, but it's another to give up just because I'm tired of disappointing my family.

All my life I've strived to please EVERYONE around me. When you come from a divorced family you find yourself trying so hard not to leave someone out, or make them feel neglected- but you know what,you just can't do it. It's inevitable; someone is going to get hurt and be upset. I guess I just need to realize that this is part of life. PEOPLE AREN'T ALWAYS GOING TO AGREE WITH ME AND THAT'S OKAY---when it comes to my family, they may not agree with me, they may be really angry and think that I'm making the biggest mistake of my life---but they will never stop loving me. I just need to keep that in mind.

So to take a cue from Thoreau, I guess I am hearing a different drummer than everyone else in my family, but who knows, perhaps my beat will transform itself into a beautiful melody- distinct and unique from everyone else...