Thursday, September 20, 2007

Speechless

I'm at a loss for words right now.

Life threw me a curve ball last Friday night, hitting me strait in the chest, taking my breath away- and I'm still trying to catch it.

My grandma's sick. Very, very sick actually. She has leukemia and she's dying.

I'm 7,000 miles away, without any friends or family close by and all I want is for someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me its going to be OK. But that's not going to happen- at least not anytime soon.

I'm trying to be strong, really, I am. I know I need to focus on the positives- remembering the good times, being thankful for our road trip to Oklahoma that we took this summer, finding comfort in knowing that she is not in any pain and is resting comfortably at home. But you know what, I CAN'T!

I'm pissed! I'm sad. I'm scared. I'm BEYOND devastated and there isn't anything that anyone can do or say to make this any better. I just don't understand how she can be so deathly sick- yet, just two months ago, she was perfectly fine.

Of course I knew that this day would eventually come, but I never expected it to happen like this, with me being so far away and feeling so helpless and not being able to say goodbye or even give her one last hug and kiss.

What's even worse is the fact that before I decided to go to France, one of my biggest hesitations was leaving for an entire year because, heaven forbid, what would i do if something happened to grandma or grandpa while i was away? Well, looks like I'm about to find out.

I'm sorry this is such an angry and depressing entry, but this is the best way for me to make sense of my feelings right now. So please, if you wouldn't mind, say a little prayer for my Grandma Becky and my family, because we could really use it right now.

6 comments:

sirbarrett said...

I'm sorry about your grandma. There isn't much I can say to make it better. Something to realize perhaps is that as much as this sucks it's something that happens? You obviously don't take her for granted and this reminds me I should probably write my grandfather because I haven't seen him since he was put in a home and he's old and may not be there tomorrow. I wish I could offer you hugs and support but I hope you know too that it's important for you to be doing what you're doing even if it means being far away. The world wants you to find your own adventure and it's ok to be scared.

Lisa said...

Danielle? Are you okay?

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